Whisper of our Hearts
by noiremizukii
Summary: Leigh and Lysander are brothers living in the same apartment. And even though Leigh has already settled down with his girlfriend Rosalia, Lysander hasn't ever been in a relationship. After they have a fight, things take a whole different turn, when the younger begins to develop new feelings... Leigh x Lysander / Yaoi / Rated T but maybe M in later chapters :3
1. The secrets we kept holed up

It was friday after school had just ended in the Sweet Amoris Highschool, as I hastily ran to the boutique of my brother Leigh.

The spoken wasn't happy to see me at all. He seemed to want to throw me out right away. Right after I had opened the doors, he came running and pushed me back into the entrance. "Say...Leigh?"

"You can't come in now." To strenghten what he said he angrily shook his head. Only now I saw his cracked and swollen lips, that his face had the colour of a tomato.

"But...I rang the bell, you know?"

"Rosalia is upstars, Lys. Get lost, okay? Go...go shopping or... take your girlfriend out for once or... don't you have any hobbies?!"

"Now that you mention it", I barked angrily, "I would love to go shopping, but my portemonnaie is in my room, idiot. And I haven't ever HAD a girl...you know...a girlfriend!"

Again Leigh shook his head, kept the entrance door from closing by stopping it with his foot and glanced at me with some kind of wild anger.

"Listen, sweetheart", he said with a serious voice, which let my own anger fade. What now? Normally Leigh would've given in by now! He would've sent Rosalia home and we would've watched a movie together while laying on the couch lazily and drinking hot chocolat. Just what was going on?

" I REALLY like Rosa", my brother continued and I nodded approving. "And when you like someone thaaaat much, you also like to be alone with him and you do...stuff ... like..."

"You know, you don't need to talk to me like a pure virgin", I cut his sentence, being tired of this. I shook away his hand, that had grabbed my arm. Yes, I DID understand, even though I really was a virgin. All of a sudden his girlfriend was more important than his own family.  
No Problem. After all, I could do that too. - At least if I would have had a girlfriend.

It still hurt after all, more than I imagined. Because, wasn't that one of Leighs usual lectures? "Blood is thicker than water"?

"I promise that I'll keep the store closed tomorrow so we can...hang out. Make up for old times and stuff, Lys, alrighty?"

I knew exactly what it meant for him to close the shop on the day he'd have the best sales. But he had yet to know how it hurt to be number two only.

Really, I didn't know why I acted like a brat. Childish, quirly. But it felt good to have Leigh swallow down my words.

"Sorry, SWEETHEART, tomorrow is a no-can-do. I have a date then, if you know what I mean."

I could see how hurt Leigh was with a look into his eyes. My heart fell together like I was the one doing something wrong, possibly because I lied to him and made him feel bad. The other way round, it was exactly what I wanted. The only problem was my imagnary date, which was...well, imaginary.

Leighs expression changed, hardened, and all of a sudden he let go of my hand a drew back.

"Great. I don't care about since when we have secrets, things we don't tell each other and when you're having a good time with a girl that I don't even know. Really, have fun, Lys."

That wasn't fair. He didn't have to be SO hurt! I felt ill as Leigh left me and closed the door behind him, because it was a door I didn't have a key for. And I probably never would have.

Tired and exhausted I wandered through the city with a nearly ghostlike appearance.

I wasn't that much into fashion, but was more interested in victorian clothes, as well as Leigh was. Leigh again. We always argued, but we never argued like THIS, which made the whole thing hard to swallow for me.

After all he WAS my brother, without him there wasn't anyone for me. I wouldn't want to lose him because of a stupid fight like this. Maybe I had been overreacting.

I would apologize after he would send Rosa back tonight.

Just as I had these thoughts in my mind; ways and ways of apologizing, I bumped into someone. That someone aprubtly fell to the ground like a light feather and I felt myself getting red. I wanted to help that someone, a girl at possibly my age, get up, when I saw that the stranger's eyes began to sparkle.

"Hey!" Her voice sounded quirly. "You're Lysander, right?"

Surprised I had a better look at her. Everything somehow seemed to scream: I'm the kind of daily, normal girl you can meet everywhere. Green eyes, brown hair and small lips, which were moving without fail and not giving me time to answer.

"I love your music! I bought EVERY CD! Me and my friend are huge fans of yours. I never would've thought I could possibly meet you here! Are you living here? Good lord, you look even more mature in reality than on the pictures. You're 18, right? That's what the fanpage says at least!"

Just as I wanted to tell her that I was definitely NOT Lysander, I got an idea. What, if she could help me make Leigh a little jealous?

So I cut the further words of the weird girl by covering her lips with my finger. I knew how to flirt even if I had never had a chance to try it out before. Though I probably wouldn't have the courage to do all these things to a person I had real feelings for, I could do it now. It was a game I had began to win.

"Miss, I need to ask you to keep silence about my true identity. I'm here today without the permission of my manager, you know?" A little lie here and there...and the eyes of the girl sparkled agan.

"Without permission? What could be so important? I'm Kelly by the way..", she began to talk again. Yes! The bite had worked.

I coughed. "Miss, I think it's a good idea to continue this conversation inside a café and I shall explain everything else then." I have her my best smile while one of her hazel hair strangs curled around my fingertip by itself. "Or could you possibly have a man at your side?"

"N-no!", she denied right after, took her bags and stared at me with her face red as a tomato. My grin deepened.

Step one was completed. So I brought the never-silent Kelly to the next café.

The fangirl squirmed about the pink flowers on each table right away. "So..", she said when we finally sat down, "Explain everything!"

The waitress came and I ordered two cups of coffee, leaned back in my chair and thought of a logical-sounding story: "The next song I'll produce is a lovesong. That's why my manager said that I had to perform it with my true feelings, realistically. You know, as if I were in love for real. And as I have seen you..." I still couldn't believe that I really said this cheesy line for once in a lifetime... "I knew that it was fate that brought us together and you were the only one I'd ever want to experience this with."

Kelly had fallen silent which I thought of as my win. But then she crossed her legs and her arms before her chest.

"What will I have to do to satisfy you?"

I nearly spit into my cup.

"It would...'satisfy' me if you'd go out with me...that's it, really..."

She lowered her eyes and leaned forward. So that's what Leigh felt like when he seduced another girl?

"So what's the exact meaning of 'going out'?", Kelly asked and I thought that women should definitely wear glasses during times like this. But I would never learn to get used to his. "Maybe... a kiss or two. Without any bonds and only if you want though, I won't force you."

I didn't think it would've been possible for her face to become any redder, but unexpected things really sure happened once in a while. The real Lysander within me would have loved to be able to tell her that her coffee was getting cold.

Just when I thought that I finally had Kelly on my side, her expression darkened. "Well that's good and stuff, but what do I get from this?"

Again I became the weird desire to choke on my coffee, but I smiled and responded: "Then, what do you wish for, Miss?"

Kelly laughed and it nearly sounded devilish. I immediately regretted asking hear at all.

Great Lys!, I thought to myself, There you go flirting with someone only ONE SINGLE time and you're going down! But I hastily pushed those We're-all-going-to-die-thoughts back, because the girl sitting on my opposite smiled a little again and said: "I want to introduce you to my friends as my boyfriend!"

That's that? With a look into her eyes I knew, that I was really lucky coming out alive with this. So I nodded and explained a few things to her.

I told her, that we would meet up tomorrow, and that I was living under the same roof with my brother.

"And...we're already going out for a half year." That wasn't nearly about the same time that Leigh had been going out with Rosalia, but it was a small beginning.

After Kelly and I talked about many other 'settings', it was getting darker and darker. I didn't think much about Leigh anymore, but concentrated on my revenge only.

Soon it was 9 o'clock and we were slowly walking by the riverside. It had taken a very long time to calm Kelly down, because the whole fanstuff was getting on my nerves, but soon I could talk to her normally.

So we talked. About school, her future dreams, music, even clothes. She told me the reason she loved my music, that she played the piano, loved books and also a lot of Otaku-stuff. I listened carefully and thought that, even though she kind of knew that I was totally using her, she was really amazing to be able to entrust herself to me like this.

And like that, my first 'date' was successful.

When Kelly couldn't surpress a moan anymore I suggested that we should start walking home. That's when she took my hand and murmured: "So let me sleep with you, 'kay? I'm only here on a vacation, and I'd rather not search for a hotel now."

I considered it for a minute. When I would bring her home, Leigh would probably get really mad. But wasn't that what I wanted?

When I really thought about this chance...Right now, my 'girlfriend' was giving me some kind of bonus additional to her main task. I slowly agreed to her proposal and took her to the fashion boutique of my brother, in whichs private range we lived. Of course only under the condition that she would sleep in my bed while I slept on the couch.

When I opened the entrance doors there wasn't any light.

What? So Leigh wasn't at home? It hurt to know that he spent the night at Rosalia's, even after that fight of ours.

"Your room is upstairs, the left door, Miss", I explained to distract myself. But when I saw that Kellys eyes were already half closed, I lifted her light body on my arms and carried her into the bedroom.

After I covered her with my sheets, I closed the door and tiptoed down again to lay down on the couch.

Sleeping was impossible though. Howsoever?

Alone with a stranger in my own house. I closed my eyes and yet they were open all along.


	2. The line between Desire and Despair

**Hey guys! ~ It's Noiremizukii-chan :3**

**I hope you enjoy the second chapter of "Whisper of our hearts" c: Thanks for the follows and the review I love y'all w**

* * *

The next morning I woke up lying on the hard floor.

My whole body ached when I got up and when I wanted to take a few steps I nearly fell to the ground again. I slowly moved into the kitchen where I saw none other than my brother. He was leaning against the table with a cup of coffee within both of his hands. When he looked up and saw me standing before him he only said: " I sent your girlfriend home. Gotta go to the shop now."

So he had forgotten his promise to keep the shop closed on Saturday already. We really had to talk about this matter, or was he wishing for this fight to last forever? But Leigh was already gone and I had the strong desire to hit my head against the wall.

Why had I done this again? To take Kelly home with me may have been a little too much. But I was sure I'd get Leigh to talk to me about this, and so, to distract myself meanwhile, I called my best friend Castiel. He wasn't especially good with matters of the heart, but he was the best in case of distraction.

When I dialed his number Castiel didn't take long to take the call and greeted me with a simple: "If that is another story about boys that have never fallen in love at the age of 18 and still live with their brother like a 5-year-old-child; Sorry to tell you but I DON'T. WANT. TO. HEAR. IT."

Blood rushed to my cheecks and I answered with a low voice: "Have you got time right now?"

"Wow, your situation must be shit if you're talking that way." I heard him whistling. That's what I meant. Castiel. Distracting. The best.

"Please, Castiel..."

"Alrighty, I'll be there in a second." I loved the way I knew he was grinning even though I couldn't see him. He was my best friend after all and I knew him like I knew my way back home. When Castiel rang the bell at the frontdoor, I hurried to arrive at the entrance before Leigh. But he hadn't even moved.

"Didn't you want to open the door?", I asked, feeling a little insecure.

"The only one that would RING OUR BELL is surprisingly Castiel, on a Saturday at least. Or do YOU ring the bell of the shopping mall if you want to buy something, stupid?"

I flinched and told him to leave it, before Leigh closed his eyes and wandered off again. Furious I opened the door and took Castiel to my room.

"Oi, oi, slow down. Well, what's up?"

"Leigh is up!", I barked right away. But he only raised his eyebrow. It was gettng on my nerves that nearly everyone I knew was capable ofdoing that, except for me, of course. Even Leigh could do it perfectly fine. Somehow, it ticked me off.

"Are you going to explain this whole thingy farther or can I go home again? I gotta practice my guitar a little, yknow?"

I sighed and explained everything to Castiel. After that my best friend still didn't look very interested, what made me angry again. So I asked him to just give me a hint, a bit of help, comforting.

"Talk to him."

"Well thank you dear frend but that I knew already!", I snapped and threw myself on the sofa. Only when I sat I realized how much strain I had put on my body and the way my bones hurt with every inch I moved, now, that they were relaxed.

I pulled my knees up and pulled my arms around them.

"Lys, do you know how often the two of you have had a fight already?"

"It's not worth it crossing the days red in a calendar." I stared at the ground blanky. "More...the other way round. I should probably start marking the days we don't fight at all. But that's not the problem. Before we always fighted like...adults. Talked to each other with a sharp tongue, then both sighed, sat down, and discussed the problem together, watched a movie together the next day. But now..."

"Now you're fighting like two 6-year-old girls or women in midst of their midlife crisis?" said Castiel not being very helpful.

I threw a pillow at his head and had to agree with him at the same time. Yes. Leigh and me, we were both like little kids, not even knowing why.

"Thanks, Castiel", I said to get him to leave and finally confront Leigh. Castiel bowed before me in an ironic way and was out of the house as fast as he had come in. One thing you had to say about him: Even if he tried to hide it, deep inside him my best friend was a really nice guy.

So I waited for the sun to rise to it's highest, the time Leigh would have his break and I could talk to him alone. When he came into the private range just to drink coffee again, I stole the least cup out of the cupboard and crossed my arms before him. "We're talking. Now."

"Lys...", Leigh began, with the intention of getting away without having dealt with me. He kept protesting, but in the end I could push him upstairs.

All of a sudden my food flipped away. I tried to catch myself last minute, but instead it was Leigh holding me up.  
I turned my head to look him in the eyes, when I heard a loud noise from underneath me. It was the cup that had shattered to thousand pieces.

"Oh, great", Leigh murmured.

I stooped down with an uncomfortable feeling in my tomb to collect the porcelain shards when Leigh pushed me away.

"Are you an idiot?!", he hissed, "If you touch them with your bare hands you're just going to cut yourself! I'll get a broom, okay? And you'll wait right here."

Oh no. He wouldn't get away that easily. I got a hold of my brother at his forearm and forced him to stay. "I said we talk now, Leigh!"

"Haven't you had enough already, moron?!"

"Leigh... I like Rosa, really much to be honest...but I don't want something...someBODY to come between us. If you could only try to decrease your Rosalia-time a little? It hurts being...second!" it burst out of me and I pressed my lips together.

Leigh was staring at me nearly disgusted. I felt a tight knot in my heart. "You don't want to tell me that you're after Rosa?"

"No!", I prided myself with a loud voice, louder than I expected it to get. Rather... it was the exact opposite. A long time ago already I had this weird feeling that probably NO girl in the world would be right for me. No Girl. "Not that Rosa is not attractive or nice or somehow...creppy, butI believe...Leigh, I believe I'm from the other sort. The one...that doesn't like... girls." The words were fading into quiet murmurs while the knot in my throat got tighter and tighter.

"You..._.believe._", my brother asked surprisingly composed.

I nodded.

And what happened then was way too fast for my eyes to follow.

Leigh wrapped his hands around my waist and pulled me closer, while his hands framed my face gently, gentler than I would've ever thought he was capable of, and he kissed me.

At first it was just our lips clenching hard against each other, but then I opened my mouth, as if it were the most normal thing in the world, or a technique that I had never known but always dominated, and the kiss changed.

It was burning and suffocating and made me feel hungry for more, without even realizing the person that was kissing.

It was my first kiss. Of course it was my first. But it made me feel that I wanted Leigh. While this feeling was nearly driving me crazy, in view of the fact that he was my BROTHER, I could only close my eyes and give in to his fire.

Then, however, Leigh pulled away with an expression on his face that made me want to go back to the moment he had held me close immediately. He wiped his wet lips and closed his eyes for a moment.

"It's as easy as that. If you didn't like this, you're not. And if you liked this..."

He left the rest of the sentence floating between us, shrugged his shoulders and walked towards the broom closet.

I couldn't move until heard the slamming of the door. Only then I freed myself from being frozen and stumbled after him, confused, and almost tripped over my own feet, almost fell int the shards.

_Damn_, my mind said. _God damn it, Lysander._

Leigh had been right: I HAD my answer now. Which brought me back to Kelly and the fact, that I had to break our deal off right now. Enraged I kicked the shards in all directions, took my jacket from the wardrobe and fled from the store.


	3. Feelings made of porcelain

**Thanks for all the reviews, guys Special Thanks to MsAsumness, YOU MADE MY DAY 8D**

**Hope y'all enjoy this chapter, the situation is getting worse :/**

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I placed my chin on my knees. This movie was really grossing me out.

It was a movie about zombies and a fictional hero who was fighting against them alongside a young charming teacher, but it wasn't really my kind of favorable sunday-night-schedule.

However, Leigh had taken a liking to stuff like this, so we ended up sitting next to each other on our sofa, drinking hot chocolate, munching on cookies and listening to the hero slice zombie heads off.

It was all back to the good old times. Just one thing had changed.

At first I hadn't even noticed it, but after a while I realized that my heart would beat fast, just like now, when I was sitting closer to Leigh than usual, or when he would come out of his room in the morning with that sleepy face and greet me with his charming Ready-to-start-a-new-day-smile.

But not only my behavior had changed.

Lately, now and then Leigh would come up to me and just kiss me or use my waistband to pull me closer, muffle words into my ears and make me shudder by nibbling on my earlobe.

Neither of us questioned this weird routine- just as I never asked why Rosalia wasn't coming over anymore.  
But sometimes there still were doubts. Where to would these feelings lead me?

"You're making that face again", Leigh said and I snapped out of my thoughts.

"What face?"

"You wrinkle your forehead and look like you want to go batshit."

I shrugged and faced my brother, noticing that his hand was lying on the pillow only centimeters away from me and the urge to interlace his thin fingers with mine was as strong as the urge to run into my room and double-lock the door.

"Well, sorry, but Mister Hero here is not very entertaining." I sighed and wanted to lean forward to drink some water, when I felt Leigh's breath against my throat, near my neck, and swallowed hard.

"Please behave yourself. With our windows as big as the whole wall we can't allow ourselves to do this stuff in front of the neighbours. Someone could see us."

"There you go talking like you're the older one. I'm the older, Lys. And I'm telling you to relax a bit. It's 3am. What perverted neighbour would be waiting for us to start something at this point of time?" Leigh had began to frame me at the side of the couch. After ending his lecture he carefully kissed me, before finally parting our lips with his tongue that was sliding inside my mouth. I moaned softly and Leigh looked down on me with a satsfied smile.

I knew that I had wanted this since he had let go of me the last time we kissed, and I couldn't resist, even though I knew it was wrong.  
"I still feel unsure doing it on the sofa while Mister Hero is making out with some way-too-young good for nothing teacher in front of us!", I said when Leigh gave me a break for a second and I could catch my breath.

The man right before me chuckled. "So it's fine if we do it in my bedroom?", he considered and pulled me from the living room inside his chamber without waiting for an answer.

I was landing on Leigh's bed rather roughly and had nearly no time to mentally prepare myself, when the spoken was already on top of me and pushed me down into the sheets.

Even though I hated myself for it, I couldn't help but think about the times when my brother was making out with Rosalia on this same bed. But there was no time to worry about this matter any farther. There was only ever Leigh zipping open my pants while I slowly undid his.

It was a game.

And we played it every day a little farther.  
While none of us cared about rules, our feelings just went wilder every passing round. We were pushing the edges and no one really knew that we were about to fall off.

"Ne, Lys. How do you feel?"

"Incredibly good."

"Yeah. I feel good too."

I never knew much about crimes and I still didn't, just the feeling deep inside of me that what we were doing was wrong...just that feeling was growing every time.  
A moan escaped my mouth and Leigh looked down on me with a satsfied smile.

"Lys?"

"Hnn?"

"We're disgusting scum, aren't we?"

But that Wrongness felt good. So we carried on.

"Nah. We're pretty ordinary actually."

"Thanks. You always take a load off my mind, Lys."

"I'm... your brother after all, Leigh."

"Yes... I guess you really are."

* * *

The next morning I woke up with the ringing doorbell.

The first thing I knew was that I was alone, naked, and not n my bed, but Leigh's. Then I hastily dressed and ran to open to door, finding a soaking-wet Castiel stand before me.

"Oh my god. Weather foresights these years", I said apologetic. After all, it was all my fault.

"You owe me. Big time", Castiel only said and let himself in. "My date with your little 'Kelly' went good. None of us had an umbrella and she was crying more than the sky did, but besides that..."

"She...cried?"

"Well, duh. Imagine your idol to arrange a meeting with you. You dress up nicely and wait for this day all along, and then another strange guy appears, saying that your idol can't make it and that he's the replacement. Imagine your own face now."  
I chewed on my lip plagued by guilt and sat down on the sofa. Immediately memories of the last night dwelled up inside me, causing my face to redden to the extent of a ripe tomato.

"I'm so sorry you had to go. I just...couldn't bring myself to."

Castiel sighed. "And you really won't tell me why?"

There they were again, these feelings I couldn't swallow down my throat. Instead they wanted to be let out.  
But I couldn't let that happen either.

"I'm afraid that... this fight with Leigh was just the beginning of something...big. And right now I'm not even sure if I can see him as my brother in the future."

Castiel's expression changed in the blink of an eye from confused to utterly angered and then shocked. When I could bring up the courage to take a look at this face again, he turned away disgusted.

"I'm not sure about what you mean, but I have this wild guess. Please don't tell me that...what you two have started these past days...I mean, running away all of a sudden together and not coming back for hours, the way you LOOK at each other, the way you act around each other...just don'truin your whole life with that, Lys", he warned and I wanted to give an answer, just when I heard someone come up the stairs.

It was Leigh, giving me a wry smile before disappearing into the kitchen, and soon after disappearing downstairs in the shop again. Castiel followed my brother with a bitter stare and I had this weird feeling in my tomb.

"Aaah, listen. What's going on between us is nothing serious ~. We're just... we go into some bars I normally wouldn't go in and have some fun, you know? It's all in a legal way."

"And you want me to believe that blatant lie? Lys, you wouldn't even GET into that kind of bar with you looking like a 15-year-old middle schooler!" He stood up, snatched away my hand when I tried to reach for him and I saw the worry and the disgust in his eyes.

"Lys, we'll always be best friends, always go everywhere together. But if you go into that kind of life...I'm sorry, but I can't follow you there."  
I captured myself staring after him, after he had already left our house for more than a few minutes. If feelings couldn't be apologized for, what more could you do then?

If feelings HAD to be apologized...were they wrong?  
No. After all, we both knew about that wrongness, indeed.

I stood up and went downstairs to see Leigh talk to two costumers with his usual charming smile.

Today was different though, so I walked up to him behind the register desk and planted a soft kiss on his cheek. Leigh, who hadn't seen me come, wore a furious expression, while the two girls were surprised first and then turned away, ashamed of themselves. I bet they were thinking that my brother was being serious about his way of flirting with them. That's stupid, it was only his way of selling after all.

Just as I wanted to ask him if I should help him out, I felt a hard slap.

"What do you THINK you're doing, LYS?"

The girls were nearly out of the shop and excused themselves with a quiet: "I think we're buying that jacket elsewhere..."

"I was kissing you, can't you see?", I asked and leaned against the desk with an apologetic smile. Even I could do it, mark what was mine in front of others, because even I could get jealous a little.  
That's right, Leigh WAS my brother after all.

"We're in public, Lys..." Leigh had a hard time controlling his voice. I felt how he had to suppress himself from screaming and froze.

"So?"

"I'm your BROTHER! Use your head a little, would you? What do you think you're doing, kissing your BROTHER?"

Something inside me snapped, like a scissor cutting through a thin string and I held my hand against my cheekbone, which was swollen from his slap. "Oh, yeah. I forgot. I can only kiss and fuck with you when it's to YOUR desire. So sorry."

"You...you must have known that this would end with being just a fling...you MUST have known, Lys, right? You know that I didn't want it to be out of control like this..."

And again, the same thing that had snapped inside me was making me feel even emptier now. Maybe it was because Leigh, who always knew what to say, was at a loss of words for once. Or because I didn't know what to do at all, when I was normally ever so smart in those situations. This helplessness was slowly driving me crazy.

"But I! I wanted...want it! Do you know how disgusted I am with myself, because I WANT this? It may be a game for you, but not for me, Leigh, not FOR ME!"

Leigh just stared at me.

And I let him stare until I had catched my breath was stron enough to leave the shop.


	4. While one is Burning--

**Hey there c: Finally a new chapter ~!Special Thanks to MsAsumness, your comments keep me going ~**

**Enjoy!**

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Leigh was left dumbfounded.

At the same time he wanted to smash his head against something hard, he also wanted to sigh from all the relief. He didn't really know where to put these feelings. And while he laughed- exhausted, crazed- he also felt tears well up in his eyes that he could barely hold back.

The next thing the older one knew was that he dialed a number he knew all too well and set one foot after another to close the shop, knowing that it would probably take some time for another customer to come, and rushed out, his cell phone pressed tightly to his ear.

* * *

I wandered through the city without having a real goal. Sometimes my feet would cuddle and I would nearly stumble, but I didn't dare to look up. To look at all where I was going.

I only knew that somehow I had ended up in a place that Castiel had told me about.

_'That's her address'_, he had said, chuckling, before the situation had escalated.

So what was I doing in front of her room, all drenched up from the downpour that was still lasting hours? Why did I knock at the door of her chamber inside this hotel? Probably because somewhere inside, my heart searched confort and knew she could give it to me.

And like that, five seconds later Kelly opened, looking more than surprised that I was standing before her.

First she gave me a michievous look. "You've come to apologize for that replacement you sent to me?", she started, not even caring that I was soaked to the bone. Every inch of my body was shaking uncontrollably due to the coldness and my ears didn't seem to be able to listen to Kelly's blabbling.

"It's too late for that now! Do you even know how anxious I was! It was so embarassing to introduce _him _to my friends. Do you even care? Now I'm officially dating a redhead. Really great. You know, I used to think celebrities were a little _nicer_ at least", she pouted. "Well, thanks for proving me wrong, Lysander! Lysander?! You could at least listen, you know?"

As hard as my body was shaking, my heart was stuttering in my ripcage right now. This sucked.

"Lysander! I'll just close the door again if you don't answer, damn it!"

And I did answer. With one fluid movement, I grabbed Kelly by her neck and kissed her, longing to get more.

It was so different, especially since I only had Leigh's kiss that I could compare it to. A guy's. Leigh was always the first to put on a wager, by biting on my underlip, slipping in his tongue, always deepening the kiss all by himself. And now that I had to do all these things it was considerably difficult.

I didn't give the girl time to catch her breath, instead she adapted to me by breathing through her nose, panicking. All the while she tried to get me off her, but I just shoved her backwards inside her room, and on the bed that was practically standing in the entrance of the chamber.

After another twenty seconds Kelly finally stopped her struggling, but instead became like a puppet in my arms.

As she lay in the pillows, the brunette looked up to me and had a nearly sad smile on her petite lips. "You're always like this", she said, "at least when you're with me. One second you're like this. Then you wander off. You're sweet and kind. And then you push me into the sheets like an animal."

I couldn't do anything but stare at her, knowing that she was completely right. But my body still wasn't willing to stop, besides not being in the mood for doing this at all. It was just the ache inside of me that I wanted to shut up, and surprisingly Kelly's mouth had been a great help. And now I wanted this empty feeling to vanish, what made me wonder if it would do any good if I would carry on with this.

I felt a gentle hand stroke on my cheek. It was the one that Leigh had slapped and I unknowingly shrugged.

"I don't mind. Do whatever you want. I know that you don't even like me anyway, I'm not stupid. But if you want to be accepted, I'll accept everything of you, _Lysander._"

Too big. The number of times I would have to kiss her to make this feeling vanish was way too big. Just when I realized it, Kelly leaned in for a kiss by herself, her lips brushing softly against mine.

That was when tears started growing flowers on her bed.

Kelly sighed. And inside me, something sighed too.

"I knew you couldn't do it. You're that nice after all, Lysander. You already love someone else, right? No one would come to a stranger to sleep with him looking like that, if a broken heart wasn't the cause." She sat right up and carefully took off my wet coat.

"You don't deserve it, but you should at least dry up", the girl explained and I nodded ever so quietly.

Then she wiped the tears off my face. "With dry up I also mean your cheeks, stupid", she said.

After a while I was able to speak again, so we sat on the bad like this; looking at each other, legs crossed, my wet coat drying in her bathroom.

"So tell me. You're heartboken, right?"

First I hesitated, but he urge to tell someone how I felt was bigger. A little afraid how Kelly would react, I began by giving her the gist of my situation. "You see... I'm in love with someone I shouldn't be in love with- we have always been close, but lately we've come even...closer. It was all good until I fell in love. And I told that person today. As you can see, it didn't end so well."

Kelly only raised an eyebrow. "Say... being in love with someone you shouldn't... how to say it... is it the gender...or an age gap? Those are trivial things you know...if you were as close as you said..."

"It's kinda...both", I quickly explained before Kelly got the wildest ideas. "I mean... it's a.. man. And he's about five years older than me."

"As I said. If you were as close as you said and now you're even _closer_...shouldn't that be enough for you? Isn't that proof enough for you that he loves you? I-I mean I'm a little shocked that you're in love with a man. But things like gender...and those five years, they're no big deal in a relationship. You'll only have to accept yourself."

Yeah, right. Just that the most important detail was the big deal. Leigh was my _brother_. What we did was a crime. In fact, I would always live with Leigh and hide our relationship all day long to have him by the nighttime, if it was for that. But my brother didn't even see me in that way. For him I was probably only some kind of... adventure. After all, he hadn't broke up with Rosalia. He was just on a break.

"Yeah. Thanks, Kelly", I said, and surprisingly meant it.

The girl smiled cheekily. "That's the first time you addressed me as Kelly. 'Miss' really doesn't suit me, don't you think? Just be like this, Lysander, it'll turn good."

I wanted to believe in her words so badly.

When I left the hotel ten minutes later it was still raining. This was awful.

Taking shelter from that damned pouring rain I hid under the trees in the near park. After all I didn't bring an umbrella with me, and it seemed I had left my cat at Kelly's place too. I doubted I would ever see her again.

Exhaustedly I slid down the trunk and closed my eyes.

* * *

"What is it, Leigh?", his girlfriend asked, sounding a little sleepy.

"Sorry to have woken you up, it's already dark after all. I just- I need to talk to you about something very important, so... can we please meet up tomorrow?"

"You sound stiff", she realized, "what's wrong?"

Leigh shifted awkwardly. He'd been running around the town for hours now, and finally connected with his girlfriend. But he really had NO time to talk now, seeing as his brother was still missing.

"Look, I really don't-" His voice rapidly broke off as the noirette spotted Lysander between the trees. A big weight fell from his heart and he felt relieved to know the younger was safe and sound. "I really don't have time right now. I- I'll call you tomorrow morning." Because he was sure that he and Lysander would have to talk about a lot tonight.

"Lys!", Leigh called out when he had nearly reached him. Lysander was sitting on the ground, leaning om a tree with closed eyes, his breathing constant and peacefully. He had fallen asleep. The older brother pressed his lips together. He really didn't want to wake Lysander up, but they had to clear up their mess right now.

So he shook the shoulders of his brothers, first lightly, but with more strenght after.

The white-haired groaned, before awaking with a sudden movement, surprise in his eyes. "L-Leigh! What are you doing here?"

Leigh rolled his eyes impatiently. "See, we can talk about that later. Just- good lord, where is your coat?!"

Lysander mumbled some quiet curses, but his brother had heard them clearly._ 'It's still with Kelly.'_

The noirette froze. So- Lys had been with a girl these past hours? His heart began to beat faster, but it were angered pounds. Had Lysander really gone that far with that girl?

Annoyed he grabbed the younger by the collarof his shirt and kissed him. This kiss was nothing like the others. It wasn't gentle, soft or gave hint that they were enjoying the pleasure in it. Instead it was rough and heated and Leigh just wanted to feel Lysander, feel if he'd really betray him like that.

But faster than Leigh could react, Lys freed himself and glared up to him. "Could you stop raising my goddamn hopes?", he shouted, cheeks flushed.

The older still had his fingers grab the white fabric of his younger brother's shirt tightly. Something inside him knew that, if he'd let go now, Lysander would be gone.

"You're always doing what you want!", Lysander continued to scream at him, "I've had it being your little toy! Can't you go back to your _girlfriend_? If you don't even want me the way I want you then please do me a favor and fucking leave me al-"

"I love you!", Leigh yelled. "So listen to me! Because I love you!"

Lysander's eyes widened, widened until he nearly had tears in his eyes, because he didn't dare to blink, scared that the words his brother had just said would be undone if he did so. But when he just had to blink, Leigh was still dare, looking down on him with his fists clenched, his stare wild and desperate.

"And when I said this thing back then when I kissed you the first time, I didn't mean it like that. I didn't mean 'And if you liked it, then you probably are from the other sort'. I meant that... If you liked it, there's probably...", Leigh's voice cracked, and he loosened his grip around Lysander just to strenghten it again. He had no intention of giving the younger's stuttering heart a break. "...there's probably something wrong with the_ both_ of us."

And with those words finally said, Lysander also wrapped his arms around Leigh's neck, calling him an idiot time and time again.

And when the sky darkened and the day faded into the night, the word 'idiot' slowly turned into the older brother's name.

_Leigh. Leigh. Leigh. Leigh. You idiot. Leigh._ Like a curse, time and time, over and over.


End file.
